Procrastination Nation: Inside the Psychology of Why We Can’t Get S#!t Don

By Joe Foley | Host of "No Sitting on the Sideline Dad"
Listen to the full episode: nosittingonthesideline.com/161

Let’s get one thing straight: my Christmas tree was still up. In June. You could say it was procrastination. You could also say it was seasonal confusion. I say: it made the perfect icebreaker.

That’s how I opened my latest podcast episode with psychotherapist Steven Melman—an unfiltered dive into the inner mess of procrastination, perfectionism, and all the emotional landmines in between. Steven’s the kind of guy who doesn’t just hand you a tissue and say “there, there.” He hands you a mirror and a to-do list.

Welcome to the Thunderdome of Delay

“You’re not lazy,” Steven says early on in the conversation. “You’re coping.”

Wait, what?

It turns out, procrastination is rarely about being a couch potato. It’s often about fear—fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of what happens if we actually succeed and someone expects more from us. Sometimes, Steven explains, the fear gets so loud that we choose Netflix, or doomscrolling, or deep-cleaning the fridge instead of just doing the damn thing.

The Lie We Keep Telling Ourselves

The interview hits hard when we start unpacking the lies procrastinators tell themselves:

• “I’ll feel more ready tomorrow.”

• “This won’t take long, I’ll knock it out later.”

• “I work better under pressure.”

• “What if it’s not perfect?”

Sound familiar? Yeah, me too.

But Steven flips the script: “You don’t need perfect. You need done. And more than that—you need to forgive yourself for not always being on point.”

To-Do Lists, Triggers, and TikTok Time Sucks

Steven, who’s part old-school therapist and part wise uncle, says he still writes daily to-do lists with pen and paper. No apps. No AI. Just ink. “It’s a compass for the day,” he says. “Without it, you’re just circling the harbor.”

We talk about how smartphones have turned procrastination into performance art. “People fall down Google rabbit holes—one second it’s researching a recipe, next thing you’re reading a list of ‘The 10 Greatest Westerns Ever Made,’” Steven laughs. “You forget what you were even doing.”

He’s not judging. He’s reminding us: You’ve got to know your distractions to disarm them.

From Childhood Trauma to Adult Freeze Mode

Things get real when we explore how procrastination is often seeded in childhood. That time your teacher shamed you for getting the answer wrong? That parent who demanded perfection? Those echoes shape how we freeze later in life.

But here’s the kicker: Steven doesn’t believe we’re doomed by our past.

“Our childhood may shape us, but it doesn’t own us,” he says. “We’re not stuck. We’re just out of rhythm. And the good news? Rhythm can be relearned.”

The Many Faces of Procrastination

This episode isn’t some armchair diagnosis. Steven breaks it down like a psychologist-meets-rock-band frontman:

• The Perfectionist – Won’t start unless it’s flawless.

• The Dreamer – Paralyzed by too many choices.

• The Avoider – Distracts because deep down they don’t feel good enough.

• The Thrill Seeker – Waits until the last minute for the rush.

Sound like anyone you know? Or maybe… everyone you know?

The Cure? Maybe It’s Simpler Than We Think

Steven offers a path forward that doesn’t involve meditation apps or expensive therapy. It’s about micro-goals, daily lists, and building momentum from the smallest steps. “Stop looking at the whole mountain,” he says. “Just take the next step. Then another.”

He even shares how he wrote his book by committing to two hours a day, every day, after retirement. No excuses. Just repetition. "The ideas filled in over time. But first I had to show up."

The Bottom Line

Procrastination isn’t about laziness. It’s about pain. Doubt. Old stories on loop in our heads. But if there’s one thing I took away from this conversation, it’s this:

We can change the story.

We can teach our kids how to be brave by being brave ourselves. We can swap self-sabotage for self-discipline. We can rewrite the narrative that says “I can’t” into “Maybe I can.”

And maybe, just maybe… we can finally take that Christmas tree down.

🎧 Listen to the full episode with Steven Melman:
https://www.nosittingonthesideline.com/161

📝 Get his book:
“Guidance for New Clinicians in a Chaotic World” – available everywhere books are sold.